An Invitation: Inside the Mind of Depression

An Invitation: Inside the Mind of Depression

A philosophically inspirational, psychological, medical, and scientific peer into a mind historically tortured by depression, suicidal thoughts, and the recent, publicly supported, relevance of despair.

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Written by Colin B. M. Wood - June 14, 2018

This article stems mostly from, THE truth regarding the greatest culprit of depression, for me individually, which I saw in a somewhat funny, but on the mark, meme yesterday basically depicting with words the ridiculousness of depression, caused by a simple error in our brains, that inhibits continual and triggered Dopamine release which is the main driving force of happiness and joy. (Note: I was unable to properly download and upload that meme)

Yet, the absent Dopamine is not necessarily the MAIN cause of a daily depressive state, in all of us.

There are, actually, plenty of others who suffer from personal and deeply emotional pain, which could have originated from an event in their past or present environment.

Lost relationships, lost family members, tragedy, drug addiction, financial failures, and drastic negative life-changes, are just a limited list of causes of depression, which occur several times a day to many people, and they each have the power to induce very real, troubling personal feelings.

NONE of the environmental effects listed above, or any others surrounding people's daily lives, share the same physiological cause that science has revealed about Dopamine Insufficiency's involvement in daily or oft-repeated depression.

SURE, there are one or two major ongoing situations that are out of my control, that do cause me to be sad and depressed, at times, but not daily. However, that is only my singled-out story.

Continuing to publicly share, my own outspoken story and experience with depression and suicidal thinking, spanning 43 of 48 years is very important, I believe. Just as someone else's written experiences are, as well.

Moving forward with this dialogue, the consistent beast that weighs me down every day, even with proper daily medicating, is easily described, as a constant lack of Dopamine production, including a failure in Seratonin re-uptake, both of which normally occur in a healthy brain.

This is probably pretty obvious, but part of the struggle to fully comprehend the opposite of what you are used to emotionally, for both the depressed and the pleasantly happy of society is, the easy to realize fact, that none of us is able to imagine what it's actually like to feel life in our counterpart's minds and bodies.

A genetically affected, depressed person, has never known joy or measured daily happiness at all. That dangerous trap, being an unavoidable aspect of our imperfect minds, eliminates the normality of mental clarity that the mentally healthy will almost always benefit from all their lives. Joy and happiness initiate lasting, positive effects in multiple areas of life, such as jobs, popularity, increased control of emotions and thoughts, success, financial security, and even less sickness during their human existence. I see them, as the sole owners of a precious prize, I may never obtain.

In reverse, those who enjoy daily pleasures, and readily find reasons to be happy, probably, never felt the incredibly deep despair, nor met the overbearing invisible monster that inhabits the emotions of the depressed and suicidal, no matter how great our particular med might be, disallowing a complete grasp or sense of the fight, people such as the recently deceased Anthony Michael Bourdain (suicide hanging), were unable to face, any longer.

Effexor XR, first at 225mg/day, down the past 2 years to 150mg/day, is my saving grace (literally) ever since I changed from one of the older, supposedly successful meds, that didn't really help me over 4 years time. Oh, Prozac, which I took from 2002 until 2006, for my first time on daily meds, of any sort, was a failure for me. It did, barely, keep me from extremely deep depression usually, but left lingering challenges in feeling any sort of joy in my daily existence and it was never able to lasso control of my daily angry outbursts, and despair I constantly held within, back then.

Thankfully, aiding my continual existence for the past 12 years, it has been Effexor XR playing the role of the monster killer and by doing so, mostly accomplishes a solid job shutting down deep depression and despair, even occasionally bringing out moments of joy and laughter, though usually in confluence with something else enjoyable I'm doing.

I DO NOT just sit around and suddenly feel elated or overjoyed by my meds, EVER! The depression meds role doesn't do that for me on its own, or for anyone else I imagine. If it were taken with some other non-antidepressant dopamine elevator, then the possibility of sudden feelings of splendor might occur, without other causation involved.

Usually, any opportunity for my brain to create elation must involve something I frequently enjoy or is a new and exciting revelation. Things, such as a movie, a favorite television show, a sporting event, rare outings in public (usually at night) in order to purposely and knowingly engage with others at karaoke, even daytime activist events stunted, time-wise, by my physical limitations, hearing fellow professional friends sing, or getting the special treat of seeing my youngest son happy and enjoying something I took him to or got for him, are several of my personally known ways to positively increase my depression med effects.

The same son, I mentioned above, is the only person currently, who has the unique ability to bring out happiness in me when I least expect it. He does not attempt to hide his joy from me, because I've made it clear to him, several times in his life, that he is my prize-gift and the most important connection I have to good feelings. When he is happy, I am happy...in that instance.

None of the power and effectiveness of Effexor XR, increasing the Dopamine production in my brain, is consistently able to instill level amounts of normality throughout every single day, nor is it always constant in its positive effect.

I have days, and even a week or two, when the pills are unable to help me out of the doldrums, for some reason I have not figured out, yet. But, I am recently aware that, the occasional lack of Effexor's effect seems to possibly be coupled with my rare bouts of extreme boredom that attack me for several days.

Sometimes, I actually spend hours staring at my wall, or my couch while laying down, working hard, mentally, to suppress negative thoughts attempting an invasion of my wandering mind.

Science, still, has not figured out many aspects of our brain's function, and as a result, cannot possibly create the perfect cure or pill that puts depressed humans on the same level as those who are genetically blessed with insatiable happiness and joy.

I believe, there are several reasons to continue to battle and hold on to life, including, but not limited to, family and pets, a globally-growing ability to reach out to each other for help, or to give help, with simple, kind and loving encouragement, and supportive words of wisdom.

The power of human love and positive connections can be just as powerful as someone's favorite depression fighting pill, that the pharmaceuticals would love you to remain on, for life.

I read, research, and discover daily, incredible advancements in medicine, technology, and things involving other great importance for the future survival of mankind.

The shocking, computer backed, ability of gene-editing has resulted in incredible positive outcomes in animals, but still requires minor tweaking prior to human trials, so some scientists report.

The constantly revealed results of testing and consistent advancements in research are mostly positive and offer encouragement, as well as, an incredible hope that one day diseases and errors in our brains, faulty or failing organs, and incorrect DNA structure, to name a few health issues, will be completely fixed for good through gene-editing, allowing for eternal good health, possibly resulting in our own children experiencing much longer lives, approaching 150 to 200 years old.

Not only do all of these present and future advancements offer great hope for everyone suffering mental and physical health problems who may still be around in 20, or so years, but the written about probable future absence of diseases, and sickness will ensure those much longer lives I spoke of, which would include healthier, younger looking bodies much longer than we presently enjoy, or actually, don't enjoy.

I have, also, enjoyed the fortune of finding and reading articles describing the research involved in the, very real, complete reversal of aging, in laboratory experiments with animals.

I've listed many reasons to be excited about the future, and I greatly desire for other sufferers of despair and depression to get a chance to read this article.

I do, get a little excited and sometimes thrilled, when I write about the future of man's existence on Earth and among the stars.

It can, sometimes, be much more of a happy moment for me, when I can share information that maybe others have not had the time, inclination, or ability to read and discover on their own.

There are thousands of resources to increase your knowledge of presently important changes and discoveries affecting our lives today, along with tons of very public announcements, and published articles on new research developments and discoveries.

Those new findings will be a pinnacle in establishing an incredibly stable, and improved future for some of us, our children most assuredly, and our descendants, that our children hopefully elect to bare.

My depression, for several months, has not caused me to feel or think of suicide, nor instigated my occasional wish to just not wake up in the mornings. It's not just the medicine I've taken for 12 years.

It is definitely the daily encouragement I read about (no, articles are not all negative and sorrowful), along with research papers, studies, announcements of never before imagined scientific and medical breakthroughs, inspirational philosophical stories encouraging enlightenment of the mind and emotions, increased global unity, and peace, that are causing increased production of the eternally desired powerful effects of Dopamine.

Now, I feel a strong urge to once again share what I consider to be the most inspiring, and important news relative to Earth and Mankind's historically backed beliefs and storied existences.

If you are one of my returning or ongoing readers of my blog and Facebook posts, you can grab the opportunity to escape the rest of this article now, so not to re-read what you've probably already read before regarding the following topic on advanced alien existence.

For several decades, a little over 60% of mankind have long-awaited, purposeful public government acknowledgment of the real existence of advanced alien visitations.

Luis Elizondo, a recent top official at the Pentagon, and previous UFO fact-finding program leader, finally gave us what we've desired for so long, initiated by what must have been a high-security clearance to release narrowly allotted truth regarding the constant UFO visitations that have grown exponentially since December of last year.

Elizondo, took to the airwaves for maybe 10 to 15 minutes, at least (not just another commonly quick clip at the end of a news hour), on Erin Burnette's CNN program, which was also covered by MSNBC and Fox News (The Big 3, as I call them), following article releases by the NY Times, and Politico, in December of last year, defying the odds, by stating, that there is ample evidence, "that we may not be alone". Read this link for further acknowledgment by Elizondo of the multi-million dollar, once secretly funded program, by dark government appropriated money, separate from the commonly known budget breakdown.
There are some resounding Youtube videos, of those now-dead leakers, whose stories of meeting and working with several alien types, as well as working on developing new technology and flight capabilities discovered in our apparent alien allies' ships and recovered parts of crashed UFO's throughout decades of the 20th century, which have reportedly undergone reverse studies, in order to improve our own military strengths and capabilities.

Many of our attempts to understand or recreate the flight capabilities of UFO's have failed some have stated in their videos, and there continues to be an urgent desire to figure out unrecognizable chemical bonds of non-Earthen metal alloys found by America's secret, advanced military branches in Area-51.

These public daredevils and decriers of lies were well aware of their potential murders by their own government possibly forthcoming, following their incredibly brave and brazen video recordings revealing to all humans that we have never been the only advanced, intelligent forms of life in the Universe.

Although the Pentagon must have allowed for us all to finally hear some form of truth and revealed secret programs through the once top-secret position Luis Elizondo once held, they still used CNN's non-peak hours, with absolutely no fanfare and no released major headlines, online, that I could easily find on Google.

So, to get back to our original topic of depression, I have spent a lot of time writing about extraterrestrial existence herein, in order to inform more of the public across our tiny speck of a planet that there is more, beyond Earth, to your empty feelings of importance as a very real, existing, living and breathing being, in our incredibly vast Universe.

In a relative side-note: other new scientific findings regarding the tubules in our brains, as well as our consciousness after death may indicate that our spirits and our conscious awareness do continue to exist alongside yet to be discovered aspects of the Universe. Whoa.

What a thing to be told, especially, if you have survived or presently suffer, a desire to escape your current form of life. Imagine if these scientists are correct, that you may never actually reach the non-existence you desire, in order to stop feeling the dark and controlling power, of depression and despair here on Earth. Wow. For once, I don't have much to say about that conundrum, other than thinking that a new form of existence would be genetically perfect. It still seems, to me, to be a wild and unexplainible possibility right now.

I rehashed those seemingly unrelated tidbits to you here, in order to lay out a unique and probably unconsidered form of an even greater hope. To insense increased awareness, that your depressed and dark lives, which you have pondered since you were old enough to become aware of your broken natural sense of happiness and joy, along with your discovery that others you were coming to know, as you matured in age, unfairly enjoyed daily happiness and joy.

In conclusion, I as you to think about what the heck, we are all really here for and what sort of relevance do we actually hold in a Universe filled with the mathematical potential of trillions and trillions of planets, surrounded by billions of galaxies akin to our Milky Way. No, I'm not trying to scare you back into depression, after I've caused your spirit to feel inspired. Regardless of your depression, daily despair, and thoughts of suicide at times, if you are still here, and reading this, I am thrilled to share this philosophical, fact-driven article with you in order to enable a possible happier future of existence in your soul and consciousness, which I wish with all my might to be one more antidote for your pain. For those, who do not suffer depression, but still took the leap in order to read something different and new to you, I also hope I've inspired a unique and powerful encouragement within you, and possibly even awakened you to a whole new future of possibilities and, soon to come, positive changes that will solve so many issues of our ancient, but young existence, and heal us in ways we couldn't imagine 10 or 20 years ago. For the depressed and the happy, there really IS a planet-sized bucket of hope in your own lives, as well as all of mankind's existence.

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